The below was written on October 10th, 2024 as a draft for a potential blog post (need to spend more time dedicated to this, but in the age of the hostile internet I’m not sure if that’s a good idea):

I’ve had this problem my entire life, where I tend to focus on the ideas of something (whether that’s a product I want to buy or a project I want to do), over the realities of that project and how it will benefit my life and the lives of others. Take for instance, recently I’ve gotten into digital audio players (DAPs) after finding a Fiio X1 at a flea market for $20, which was an amazing deal but ended up not working. This led me towards looking at what other DAPs are out there, by Fiio and others. Rather than being pragmatic and realizing I didn’t need one, I started to hyperfocus on the Fiio M3 Pro - a device that’s basically a souped up iPod Nano 7th gen. Bonus points: it’s no longer for sale and I can only find them on Amazon used for significantly more than they originally sold for. I’ve built up this idea of this device being amazing, and me being able to do a lot of really cool things with it (mostly leave my phone behind and still listen to music), but that isn’t reality.

I’ve also found this to happen a lot with retro games and emulation. I’ve had so many computers or video game systems I’ve hacked or put Emulation Station on thinking about how cool it would be to play all these old games, but inevitably I never actually do it. I have a Gameboy Color I setup last year with an LCD screen and a Cyndaquil shell that I’ve only picked up a handful of times since I put it there (after losing my Crystal Clear save - curse physical carts w/ real batteries). I think it’s cool that I have it, and can play all my physical games on it, but I never spend the time to actually use it.

The Steam Deck is one exception here. Though there are some months I don’t use it due to being busy or not wanting to play games, it’s one device that I consistently use. I think this is more the exception than the rule. I had an original model Nintendo Switch (that was hackable!) for 3 years, and only used it twice to play Fortnite, a game I can play on many other platforms (just as a counterexample).

I feel myself recently losing the allure I had for my M3 Macbook Pro, starting to think of it as just a computer instead of a really cool magical box that will fix all my problems. And I feel myself feeling that allure for the newer upcoming M4 Macbook Pros. If I just get that computer instead, it will tickle my brain in just the right way that I’ll be happy. If I just get the latest and greatest stuff, I’ll be fulfilled. Anything that’s not the fastest computer on the market, or best phone in the world, is worthless. I don’t like these feelings, and I don’t subscribe to them, but they’re still there, probably instilled by the consumerist society we live in, where we all need to constantly consume in order to keep society rolling. Non-stop growth above all else.

This is perhaps, like a lot of things society teaches us, something we need to unlearn. We need to be okay with “good enough”, with trying to solve the problems we actually have, instead of chasing feelings related to consumption and collecting. This reminds me of the idea (I forgot where I read it) that there are both monetary and time costs to purchasing something. Take a video game for example: it may be on sale for $5, but it will take 10 to 20 hours of time to actually receive the benefits and entertainment from purchasing it. Multiply that across the hundreds of games in my Steam library… that’s a lot of “debt”, so to speak. This is true for most things, whether they’re books, music players, video game systems, movies, project supplies, musical instruments, etc, often times purchased for the fake-positive feelings that come along with purchasing something rather than the real value contained within them.

It’s now a year and a quarter later. I ended up buying the Fiio M3 Pro on eBay last April, and exactly as I predicted it, I never used it and ended up re-selling it to someone else. About a year ago I coined a term for these sorts of things that we think will somehow make our lives better, have this aura about them that draws us in and makes us obsess over them. They’re called magical items. Things you think you want but when you actually get them, the magic fades away and you realize that you spent too much on a FLAC player you don’t really need, when you’re just going to use your phone regardless. They don’t necessarily have to be physical items either; they can be relationships, friendships, vacations, etc, etc.

I’ve been afflicted by magical items for years, which is why it’s so powerful to have a word to describe them now, describe the feeling in my head when this happens to me, and to ask others around me to introspect on their desires to determine whether they’re genuine. I’m not advocating for abstaining from these, not at all, I got a pillowsac bean bag last December that was 100% a magical item, and I find use in it and enjoy having it in my space; it can be useful to recognize when it’s happening to know if what you think you want is what you actually want, and will actually benefit you.

Apple’s coming out with a folding iPhone this year (rumored), and I can feel the magical item feeling start to kick in. Oh, just think, I could use vscode from my phone with an external keyboard to work remotely! - instead of just bringing my vastly superior to develop with Macbook that I already own. Oh, think of how cool it will be to have such a big screen! - ignoring that I’m trying to use my phone less and less (finally kicked Reddit and HN within the past year and never want to go back) and even experimented with a dumb phone last year as well. Disconnecting and having times of reflection are good things, and having a larger phone is antithetical to that goal. Still, the magic draws me in. I think I’d rather save the money for my less magical but more real future.